Extreme Paranoia! (season 1 now available on blu-ray and dvd)

oh hi berry what have you been doing lately? wanna grab a bite? there is a new falafel place below my house.
um yeah ok. haven’t eaten a falafel in ages!
the elevator is this way c’mon!
*the elevator pings and generic friend gets in*
um berry? are you not coming?
yeah of course! its just the elevator! (awkward laughter)
*elevator creaks a bit*
NO NO WAY AM I GETTING IN THAT DEATH TRAP!!! ITS GONNA FALL AND GET STUCK ANY SECOND!!! YOU COULD DIE ANY MINUTE!!! THE ELEVATOR IS OLD AND CREAKKKYYYY!!! HOW ARE YOU STILL STANDING THERE?!? DO YOU NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE?!? ITS PRECIOUS YOU KNOW!!!
berry…its an elevator…i have mass…are you okay?
ITS AN EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL DEATH WAITING TO HAPPEN!!! YOU KNOW NOTHING, GENERIC FRIEND!!!
*berry runs away screaming*

-inside the house-

i never knew you were scared of elevators. weren’t you obsessed with the one at your old building?
THAT WAS BEFORE I REALIZED HOW HAZARDOUS THEY WERE!!! ELEVATORS ARE ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS FOUND IN A RESIDENTIAL BUILDING!!! RIGHT NEXT TO OLD LADIES!!! I’M GONNA TAKE THE STAIRS FROM NOW ON!!!

*in front of the stairs with generic friend*
well stairs are a more healthy alternative…maybe there are benefits to be found from your fear
yeah i know!!! stairs are so much better than elevators!!!
*berry opens door*
um…hehe…generic friends first..heh
okay but are you well? you’re suddenly sweating!
pfft i’m fine! don’t worry about me in fact you should worry more about THAT NOISE THE DARK JUST EMITTED!!! I TAKE IT BACK THE STAIRCASE PROBABLY HAS A SERIAL KILLER WAITING TO STRIKE THE MINUTE THE ENERGY SAVER BULBS GO OFF!!! EVERY FREAKING CORNER HAS DANGER LURKING IN ITS MIDST ALL IT WANTS IS A SLOW PERSON TO FORGET ABOUT THE AUTOMATIC LIGHTS AND COME DOWN!!! THEN GAME OVER! BAM! DONE AND DEAD!!! YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS THIS IS WORSE THAN THE ELEVATOR!!! OOOHHMYGOD!!! WHAT WAS THAT?!? I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING!!! I’M GONNA LEAVE BEFORE I DIE!!!
*berry runs away screaming yet again*

-back inside the house-

so how are you gonna get down now?
who says i need to go down! i don’t need to go down! do you need to go down? cuz i definitely do NOT need to go down! elevator, stairs or otherwise.
fine then! we’re all leaving now, are you sure you don’t wanna come?
of course i’m sure! you guys go have fun!
*after everyone leaves*
WHAT IN THE ENTIRE SPECTRUM OF THE UNIVERSE WAS THAT NOISE?!?!?!?!?!

dear readers,
those we’re the last words of berry ahmed. her cause of death was unknown but widely believed to be due to the neighbor’s cat. she has a loud purr. investigation is ongoing.
Weirdina McWeird
Chief officer
Internet Troll Police

Advertisements

2 comments

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s